Brutal Man

Stereotypes and standards are inherent in any society at any stage of its development. Our time is no exception, as both women and men are constantly compared to certain ideals. The image of an ideal man is a debatable concept, yet forming the image of a popular one is not difficult at all.

Among the many “should” and “must,” quite ambiguous characteristics also appear, such as, for example, brutality. Many women say that they are attracted to brutal men. What meaning is embedded in this concept? Let us examine this issue so that men at least understand what women expect from them, and women, perhaps, think about whether they need such happiness.

The Meaning of the Word “Brutality”

It is no secret that many words in the past or within the context of other cultures had a completely different or slightly different meaning than the one we interpret today. Time makes its own adjustments to the understanding of terms, and quite unpleasant words may acquire a positive meaning. Often, a catchy word quickly finds its use in the speech of not very knowledgeable people and over time acquires a double meaning.

Initially, “brutality” meant a collective characteristic implying the presence of rudeness and cruelty. Several decades ago, an intelligent man would have perceived such a description addressed to him as an accusation or even an insult.

The image of a brutal man looked roughly like this: an ignoramus, a domestic tyrant who beats his wife and children, insensitive and rude. Agree that your current perception of a brutal man is completely different, and the described portrait does not evoke associations with this word.

Modern Women’s Perceptions of a Brutal Man

What is brutality for modern and young people? Most likely, the majority understands this word as a vivid manifestation of masculinity. Today, a brutal man = a sexual man. That is, brutality is perceived as a manifestation of male strength in appearance and behavior. This concept denotes a man’s closeness to something animalistic. At the same time, however, we are not ready to accept the reverse side of this animal manifestation. As a result, a certain compromise emerges, and the brutal image through a woman’s eyes acquires the following idealized characteristics:

• physical strength;
• strong will;
• masculine appearance;
• understanding of what he wants from life;
• a certain atmosphere of mystery around him;
• the ability to make decisions;
• the ability to take responsibility;
• the ability to have the final say.

In short, a brutal man is the embodiment of masculinity and strength. Idealizing such men, women often believe that with such a person they will be “like behind a stone wall,” that “he will come and solve all problems.” At the same time, women often do not understand that brutality also has a reverse side. For example, a brutal man at the same time:

• is emotionally restrained;
• considers his opinion to be the only correct one;
• is not ready to listen or hear;
• is not ready to compromise in relationships;
• is not romantic;
• is authoritarian;
• primarily takes his own interests into account.

This image is already less illusory. Let us be honest: when women say they would like to be in a relationship with a brutal man, they usually mean something like this: “I would like to meet a strong man who would burst into my life and miraculously change it for the better. He should be protection and support, and I would be able to relax, because he will solve everything, while also being very sexual.” As girls often say: “I want a man whom I would want to obey.” This phrase contains the entire idea women have about brutality.

Modern Men’s Perceptions of Brutality

The perception of brutal men among women is quite one-sided. There are many reasons for this, and we will discuss them later. However, it is interesting to look at how men perceive brutality. Here it is worth turning to our biological nature. In the animal world, the strongest and most ruthless survives – in general, the alpha male. His dominance is recognized by both females and males.

Essentially, brutality is perceived as dominance. Accordingly, among men such individuals evoke the same reactions as in the animal world: submission and recognition of authority, or the desire to overthrow it (in a modern context – envy or rivalry). Since we have already moved quite far away from our instinctive programs, our range of behavioral responses is much broader.

Undoubtedly, for a large number of men, brutal men evoke at least respect. Considering our mentality, where “boys don’t cry” is still cultivated, a brutal man is the only correct standard. Therefore, in men’s understanding, a brutal man is:

• strong;
• independent;
• strong-willed;
• tough;
• knows what he wants;
• successful;
• popular with women.

And in the case of men, they do not have to face the reverse side of this coin. For them, even the disadvantages described for women are more likely to serve as confirmation of a brutal man’s masculinity. However, there is another point here: men distinguish true masculinity from a demonstrative one. While many women may be drawn to appearance and a carefully constructed image and only later realize they have made a mistake, men judge by facts and by substance.

This means that an unemployed, muscular guy with a beard and a large amount of female attention is more likely to cause irritation than respect. At the same time, a man who does not match the external image of a brutal man but truly possesses a strong character, toughness, and independence will have high authority. Demonstrative brutality that lacks a real foundation will irritate other men, whereas the genuine presence of masculine qualities associated with brutality will increase the authority of their bearer.

The Fashion for Brutal Men

Think of a brutal man and try to fix the image that comes to mind. It is very likely to be a tall, strong, muscular man. For some reason, most often with a beard, since fashion is hard to escape. It is fair to note that brutality (in its modern understanding) in a man’s appearance is currently in fashion.

Why are brutal men trending now? For a long time, we have been moving toward equality between the rights of men and women. But not only have women become stronger – men have also allowed themselves to stop being “iron” and capable of overcoming everything. Of course, this trend has not affected everyone, and there is nothing bad about it, quite the opposite. However, a shortage of such alpha representatives of the stronger sex has emerged. At the same time, women, in a certain sense, have grown tired of carrying a burden that is not always within their strength.

In addition, there is currently a pronounced trend toward androgyny and the blurring of gender differences. Yet any extreme requires compensation, and we can view androgyny and brutality as two poles of the same process. In any case, extremes have never been the best option.

Today, both men themselves and women divide men into good guys and bad guys. As is well known, the stereotype that girls prefer bad guys has existed for a long time. Such bad guys are precisely those very brutes. Opposing them are good guys, speaking in stereotypes – the kings of the friend zone. Scientific research has shown that the presence of bad and good guys is provided by nature itself. The former have a place in order to ensure good genes for offspring, to produce physically strong and healthy descendants, while good guys play a role in providing life for this offspring – obtaining food, upbringing, and so on.

Overall, this is a rather controversial and ambiguous issue, but there is no point in arguing that physically women are more attracted to men with a clearly expressed masculine principle, which is referred to as brutality. However, for long-term relationships, good guys are far more promising – it is more likely to build a strong family and find happiness with them. Despite everything, a woman often holds the belief that she will be the one to change a brutal man and turn him into a good guy. The chances of this are unrealistically low, and moreover, the question arises as to whether he would remain attractive at all afterward.

Brutality is a far from unambiguous topic. There is no need to try to find an answer to the question of whether men should strive for brutality. As we can see, the perception of this phenomenon is still quite blurred. Nevertheless, if such a trend exists, it means there is a social demand for it. Let us not rush to make value judgments, because everything has a reverse side, but there is also positive content present.

Author: Anna BUNYAK – Psychologist

Editor: Nataliya CHAYKA – Editor-in-Chief of ESTportal
Translation: Nataliya CHAYKA

First published: 2017
Updated in line with current guidelines and relevant research: 2026